if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
