Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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