She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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