hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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