you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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