so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
