you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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