drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
