Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The uberlube is also flammable
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
