I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I could make wine with my vomit
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
