Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
