I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
