i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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