I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
