I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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