You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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