Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
