His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
