the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
