there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
