Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
