Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
