ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
