Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
