I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
