Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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