I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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