If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
