You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
