If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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