I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
