Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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