So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
