Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
