Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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