Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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