Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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