Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
