Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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