onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
