the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
