using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
