yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize