last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize