Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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