Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
