he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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