OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
