dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just high enough for therapy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
