She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
