i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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