i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
