and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
