I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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