never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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