I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
