I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
