Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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