that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
