she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize