it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
