You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
