i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
