If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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