Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
