What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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