Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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