I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
