If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
