Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize