you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
