i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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