I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize