In the future we'll all be gay
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
