She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
