And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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