I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
