Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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