fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
