i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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