Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
