Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and she was petting her beer can
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
